if i had one of those PDA extravaganzas with easy-to-use keyboards,
this blog would overthrow with the thoughts as I sit on the L or walk to the bank.
My MIND IS A BATTLEFIELD!!!
i.think.i.am.insane.

here's some mind-clips of today:

" I am SO FUCKING TIRED of being the only one in my GODDAMN LIFE- fuck, sorry Lord. did not mean to use your name in vain -- the only fucking person who does not know who the hell she is! I'M SO FUCKING TIRED OF MY DAMN INDECISION!"

"maybe leaving really is the only option..."

"why does my father only call me when he needs money. and people wonder why i have that 'i need you to care about me, look after my needs and never leave me' whole issue. that, 'i need you to be able to support me even though i'm independent as hell." whole point of view"

"i.would.not.want.to.date.me"

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.... i changed my room around today and it helped. it satisfied, temporarily, my need for a change, for spice, for something other than sitting around on my computer while people do whatever they want in my room. where's the interaction. better yet, where's my interaction? i'm invisible in my own world.

i made amy ask for any openings at ABP. haha. doubt it'll happen but i could really use a job right now. i need an escape. and i can't always turn to "the d word". do i even have to censor this?

i.need.more.

in my head, i yell at inanimate objects as if they'd make a difference. i exult sarah balkin b/c she's the only person in my week that stimulates my brain. really stimulates.

one of these days i'm going to walk away and no one's going to realize why.
because i'm silent in my own world.
I'M SILENT.

what would i do without the written word?