livin the good life ;-)

I had a fantastic birthday!

quite surprising, considering, i had nothing planned, was expecting it to be just another saturday... whatever, ya know?

but my bestie made me my favorite cake complete with 20 candles and brought my housemates down for a happy birthday at midnight! which was the kick off of wonderfulness! (and almost made me cry with her and nate (and lupe's) card!) thanks so much babe! :-D. we hookah-ed, talked, and chilled for hours. it was pretty great. had a great sleep and woke up to a happy bday song phone call from aunt brenda, with garry jazzing it up in the background "happy birthday to.." "to you! to you! to you!" lmao

went back to sleep! haha woke up, had cake for breakfast, met up with my mom, aunt brenda, and grandma and aunt roz, did some needed walmart shopping, ate some soul food, got my hair permed, and enjoyed some great conversation with the ladies.

and the love of my life stayed with me all day! through all the family stuff and the boring-ness of my hair stuff. and he did it with a smile on his face :-). he made me feel special all day, as did the many calls and bday wishes. thank you all so much!

what better gifts than what i got today? red velvet cake, my hair did haha, grocery shopping, cathching up with people...my family, my friends, my love, the best hugs, the best kisses, and a happy happy day... all around. yey!

closed the day with (yeah u guessed it) more cake! and our evening tea. haha me and p bought a tea kettle. we're getting into drinking more tea. we want to be better. better with money, better with what we injest... lol

and tomorrow's GAME DAY! haha football, beer, wings... yeah, was pretty girly today, so tomorrow should bring me back ;-)

the beginning of my 20s ya'll... im hoping for great things this decade.... scratch that! i'll make great things happen this decade! bring it on baby!

I really really
really REALLY
want to work for Random House.

like bad.

whatev :-)

let's free think this post...

i wanna go where the wind calls my name... i wanna find that space that's particularly mine..where i've always belonged. because i completely get what mike means about not being able to live at home anymore, and there are many times where i feel like i can't live here anymore either... i need a place that encourages me to go out on my own and better myself on my own. we need a place where we don't let the stresses of the outside world distract us from our happiness.
it's time to grow.
but growing also means shrinking... shrinking away from where you started from, and people that you love, in order to find the you that you love and the where that your future lies.
it's tough...
but to thy own self be true, haha

I absolutely love good literature... it excites me in a weird way people lol. my 1 day working at the University Press got me excited all over again. i know it's way too soon to tell, and it could easily be just one of the many things in my life that i get really into for a while and then let it die... but i could really, really see myself in publishing. it's creating... it's sharing books, knowledge, entertainment to the world. hell, it's every career choice i've ever considered built into one. It's dealing with books, it's spreading information, it's creating, it's working with the economics and business aspects... it's being in charge of something small to be a part of something great. i dunno you guys....this could be my path :-)

keep your fingers crossed for me ;-).

trying to get my life together. I know i can get by from now till the summer with the little income i'm making now, but i wont be able to save for shit lol, and that really is what I want to be doing right now. me and pj started our first joint account haha, and it's a savings account just for this purpose. we really are intent on saving up for a car... and im hoping it will actually happen, but we're far from having enough for even a decent down payment. oh well, we'll figure it out... we always do.

so im kinda hungry, and so i'll go :-)

"EDIT" --> "UNDO"

no, wait... I lied. the MOST important thing I've learned in poker is that you can't take it back. There's no re-dos, no mercy lol. When you lose, you think about all the things you could have done differently to have left the table with more money than you put down. things you shouldn't have done, things you should have done. But now the plays over and all you can do is try to do better next time.

What other thing do you need to know in life? It's chance, it's attitude, it's preparation... you make mistakes and learn from them, and while your knowledge and skills don't guarantee success, you stay hopeful that one of these days you'll do more than just break even, you'll excel. And it's that hope that keeps you going after every downfall, every bump in the road. It's kinda like a spring when you think about it. It takes going down to be able to bring yourself back up.

And when you do bounce back up, it's exhilarating, loves... I promise :-)

Hold 'EM BABY!

Poker’s life lessons: The best 5 things I’ve learned in the game.

1) Luck+Skill. Contrary to some peoples’ beliefs, it’s not all about the cards. Nor is it all skill. It’s a combination of both that leads to the win. You may have shitty hands the whole night, but you bluff well and suddenly you’re chip leader lol. Or you may be on the cautious side or have poor poker skills, but get dealt the winning hand every other time and win big that way. Contrarily, you can also have the best hands, but without knowing how to play them, you could find yourself buying in for the 3rd time. Or someone calls your bluff and you’re out of the game. It’s all in the balance. The same is true in life. Most of the time, we have little to no control over the hands we get dealt, but it is 100% in our power how we deal with them once they’re laid upon us.

2) There are always other hands. You got that King/9 suited that you really want to play out but the pre-flop raise is ¾ of your stack… someone calls, there’s probably some pocket pairs in play and though you want to see that flop… it’s not worth it, there are always other hands. Haha. More importantly, though, this is true in life. Sometimes the risk isn’t worth it. There are always other opportunities, there are always other parties, always other highs, always other memories to make. There’s other friendships to form, other significant others to love. If you think with that hand you will probably lose, even when you want to see it through, sometimes you gotta let it go. I don’t even know if this whole thing makes sense the way I’m trying to explain it, but the point is… sometimes you have to let go of what you have now to wait for something better… be it in your career, your relationships, or just life in general.

3) Don’t let them limp. You know that feeling when you felt you had it in the bag and bet low to build up pot odds haha, and your pocket Kings get beat by like a J8 off suit because they caught their straight on the turn? Sucks. Shouldn’t have let them limp. When you think you have what it takes to get that dream job, that perfect house, that ideal father of your children lol… don’t be passive about it! Get aggressive, get dirty, get mean if you have to. Make everyone else know that you’re in it to win, so those less insecure, questioning people won’t have the time to squeeze in their 2 cents. Haha.

4) At some point, you have to make a move. Even if all night you’re getting the worst luck possible, at some point, you have to make a move, you have to bet high, even when your cards could be better. If you don’t, if you’re folding most of the game, your blinds and your few calls will kill you out of the game. If you’re too afraid to take a risk, if you’re not confident enough to assert yourself, at some point in the game you’re going to realize that you’ve lost (and you spent your last $5 on wawa so you can’t even buy back in lol). At some point, you just gotta put yourself out there and remind everyone else that you’re still playing, you’re still in the running, you’re not defeated yet. If you fail, so the fuck what? Borrow some chips from the chip leader and try your odds again ;-). Or wait till u get your mojo back.

5) It’s not nice to lie, but it’s ok to bluff. It’s ok to act more confident than you should be. Lol but if you bluff, bluff confident as hell, else someone will call you out and then you lose respect. Haha. Yeah, that one’s pretty self explanatory.

OK, so I'm so fucking happy right now that I don't know what to do with it. i'm chipper with my parents, I'm smiling my cheeks out and singing in the grocery store... and i have those happy little butterflies in my stomach. it's really quite crazy. it's really unexplanable... i feel guilty for holding on to it and yet i whole-heartedly claim this happiness as MINE. because I've been blessed, and why not let my light shine?

I write in these things for expression, as does everyone, but also for pure memory purposes. There are days, weeks, months, that I never want to forget, that I easily will if I do not write it down.... in a convenient blog lol.

so these days... weeks... months...
I have been in love in a crazy way. :-)
and 6 years into this love... i know it's expected for me to be chill and comfortable and not one of those annoying little girls that gush about how much they love their boyfriend... etc, etc. lol but there are these days, weeks, months... hell, years... that I want to shout it off the rooftops... even when words seem so insignificant.

In our little world, when it's just me and him... life can reach perfection... happiness peaks. and this is not naivete, this is not hopefulness speaking, but gut when I know that short of drastic circumstances, or our own stupidity, we have this at least till death. Hurting each other is out of the question.

this is how I feel right now and this is what I know right now, and though I needed this to express my love since i cant currently show it to him, I also wanted to remind everyone that you have the potential to love even stronger and better than the best love stories you could ever read. not only is it real... it's possible for ordinary, imperfect people such as myself... and pj haha. I hope that you don't give up on it.... and I hope that you don't settle for anything less. There is nothing "wrong with you" if you havent found it yet. (AHEM!) every damn one of us is too young to think all is lost if we havent found that one that makes us happy everyday. lol. in 2019, you can rightfully bitch. lol

and know that I love you. I promise. and I can say that rightfully, because the whole 6 of you that actually read this blog, I love.

So HAPPY NEW YEAR loves... may 09 be better than 08, and let us recognize our blessings through all of the pain.

let us receive blessings and let us bless each other, for always.