Week 3!

July 29
should i buy this netbook?
update: did not buy the netbook... yet. but spoiled my dog at GOG-E-GOG world! lol fail. but that place is so damn cute. I realize I spend a lot of money for no apparent reason except that I like somthing... which, of course, is not a good reason. and i spoil my dog for fun. Today, he got a bed, a peanut butter biscotti, kong stuffer and a new ball. lol. oo and his nails cut. yeah... alright. need to start setting a budget for myself... especially about home stuff and hugo's spoiling. in time. Other than that, got a lot of stuff done in the store today meaning, I'm not worried about doing mc stuff till next week at least. which is nice.

July 30
went to work, went to the carnival! indulged in funnel cake, sno cone, and cotton candy... mm. took a nap. pretty much just enjoyed myself for this second half of the day and I think that's what matters

July 31
Seriously slackin on a lot of things, but got a lot of Countryside stuff done today. am souped because the little signs that i put up (that i had planned to put up a while ago, but only was truly coaxed to by my wonderful new employee ;-) ) got us mad $$ today at MC. Got to see Kev, Dan, and Raff today... which is something i haven't done in a while. and got my new phone, which was nice. ran a lot for no apparent reason. really ready to get those running shoes. Think imma go shopping on Monday and start packing for the cruise. sooo excited for that. Being w/o my phone was kinda nice in a way. Could drive off and go wherever, not having to worry about anyone bothering me, asking for me to be here, there, reminding me to do this, that. just had these brief moments of just me, which is new. so among the things im looking forward to about this bahamas/florida trip, is that i'll be un-contactable. for even just a few days while at sea. Made me realize that technology really isn't my thing. kinda wanna sell this phone while it's still new and like use a prepaid or something. Though I love my phone, I don't really need it, not really using the features, so what's the point? also means i'm not getting a netbook. lol. do not need two laptops... i think imma just buy $200 worth of clothes instead. lol which is needed, bad.

August 1
El primero de agosto! aka, my mommy's bday! went up to the bruns/rahway for a family reunion which was nice but my stomach got destroyed. Thought more about this store in new brunswick thing... more about that later. spent time with the boys finally! played some RISK hehe. took over the African motherland lol. balanced MC stuff and was very pleasantly surprised. decided to go shopping in the morning to celebrate

August 2
shopping SUCCESS! got 2 pair of jeans, 2 dresses, a hoodie, a cardigan, a cover-up thingie and a nice shirt. ended up spending $120, but got $20 back in kohls cash to spend any day after today lol so imma prob go back tomorrow to get a bag. lol. left on my list is:
-umbrella
-sneakers
-dress shoes
-a bunch of tanks/camisoles
Left to do this week is...
-pay Jane
-deposit money in business acct
-update house acct info
-pay off Hugo's bill
-decide whether or not to get him neutered and make an appt if the decision is yes
-make a blood work appt
-print out boarding pass on tuesday
-pack!!
-clean my car
-bathe huggybear.

i'm shortening my lists so that i am no longer overwhelmed. i'm trying to simplify my life. lol trying.
also, really thinking about starting that new blog.

WEEK 2

Ok, separating the weeks because the previous post was getting way too long.

Week 2:
General Goals: work on the meditation and tagalog. start reading a book, focus on writing cover letter and sending applications.

Day 8 (7/22):
Pre-Goal:Working all day and so... finish financial aid docs and send them out, also mail out any other items that i need to. Write cover letter. No excuses, just DO IT!
Observations: Generally speaking, I feel like I'm half failing. I did not bathe Hugo that night and of my week 1 goals, I still need to
-send docs to financial aid
-deposit check for august, send check to brunswick to send for august
-figure out mc payments/bills we have to take care of pre-vacation
-budget and pay bills, pre-vacation
-do hugo registration w/ akc
-send out apps way before vacation, change voicemail message also
F to the A to the I to the L.
I do have new goals too, but feel like I could be doing so much more. My no spending idea is a complete fail. I'm actually going to spend more this month than any other month of my life. lol. hoping to pay my debts off, but am going on vacation, and need to still buy:
-a wii, or try to pay to get it fixed o_O
-a really good pair of running shoes
-a printer
-stuff to make my headboard
-a new bedspread and sheets
-buy the wii fit from pj's dad lol
-get Hugo's balls cut off lol poor guy
-get my eyebrows waxed
-try teeth whitening stuff
-get more organization stuff for the room, potentially a new nightstand

a total which amounts to somewhere around... $3500 when u include sept rent lol. DAMN.
we took out a lot in loans this year... post-graduation pay-back is going to be a bitch, lol <3 style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">MORE OBSERVATIONS: Meditated twice as long today, which was nice. mailed back my jury duty stuff, but nothing else. Also did NOT go shopping which is good. started my cover letter but it was really bad. so spent the rest of the day researching so my cl is really good. this publishing business is intimidating... i might just move to philly, be a teacher and forget this nonsense. lol. can't believe i pre-goaled a car clean-out tomorrow. damn. PLUS hugo's bath. yikes...
One More Thing! Caught up with Amy today! I miss her! making it a goal to text her randomly sometime this week :-)

Day 9 (7/23):
Pre-Goal: Revise cover letter haha. Clean out car. Learn something on the guitar or at least practice.
Observations: tried to clean out the car but it was raining, so just straightened it up. Washed Hugo! yey! Practiced guitar and then just relaxed the rest of the day... twas nice. Also bought a lot of Kashi bars and Archer Farm's flavored water so I can stop eating junk throughout the day. yey! plus, they're delish.

Day 10 (7/24):
Observations: Had no goal for today lol. got done some stuff at work that i've been holding back on... went to the bank... got my mom's bday present and am currently hanging out w/ the boys and katie :-). Made it a point yesterday to not be selfish and close so that pj could hang with the guys and today, making it a point to actually come hang out myself. i've been so distant lately.

Day 11 (7/25):
Pre-Goal: Take care of some MC stuff and all paperwork stuff. :-) work on cover letter... something that's taking way longer than expected. i'm so scared to fail. BUDGET, BUDGET, BUDGET. i find im spending way too much :-(
Observations: Did all of that!!! yey!! sent financial aid stuff, balanced budget... got me so excited because we're going to have mucho monies this year... thought about all the possibilities... regular stuff like... saving it to pay off future loans, saving it as backup cash to pay this year's rent and put aside enough for next year's rent... and much more absurd things like... using it as a downpayment to buy a condo or a small fixer-upper of a house... living in it or renting it out, or renting out half which is more likely... or... bambahbah BUM.... getting married! and in truth, was very serious about all of these. and after a couple days of researching these possibilities... yesterday, I came to the conclusion that... 1) just "saving it" putting it in the savings account is NOT an option. lol because knowing us, we will blow that money like it's nothing...."oh honey... we can afford to go out to eat and to the movies and order food and get a new wardrobe and get that dresser you've been wanting and buy the new xbox 720" lol. I can see it happening. also, setting it aside to pay for rent for the next new years is tempting as hell, but not reasonable either... because it will just make us lazy and the conversation will turn to "awesome babe! we don't need jobs! let's just chill out for the next 2 yrs" and while we could survive off it, not having an income makes me uneasy. Now the house. *sigh*. this one's a long story. But even though I could afford the downpayment and the mortgage if we're living there instead of renting someplace else... the commitment is just WAY too much for me right now. knowing i'd have to hold on to it for a number of years until the market rights itself again is a scary thought. I need mobility for atleast the next 3 years, lol. and while financially, it makes a lot of sense being that we're in a buyer's market and having such limited time for the first time homeowners 8,000 tax rebate and realizing that i'd be spending more in rent than my mortgage would be.... ugh, that's the hardest thing to realize... putting so much money into nothing while i can be building equity, AY!... mentally it doesn't. I don't want to face that kind of pressure right now while i'm still in school. AND again, need to have a steady income in order to take on something like that... not saying it's not still a THOUGHT... it's just most likely not going to happen.
And now the marriage thing... hehe. as i said, i seriously considered each of these possibilities. Keep in mind, I know next to nothing about weddings except that theyre a lot of stress and money lol. so, i ventured out and bought myself a bridal magazine, was kinda freaked out when i picked it up, but once i leafed through i realized that this wedding thing might not be so bad afterall. BUT while I am ready to be married to him, and vice versa, I am not ready to GET married. It's hard to explain, but if you're a Twilight fan haha it's easier to say that i'm in Bella's mindset (before Breaking Dawn, since i havent read that one yet). I can't shake the way I feel about young marriages, even though I know it can work out, and can perhaps be more wonderful than waiting till ur old and stressed out and far too out of the honeymoon phase to be honeymooners lol... I'm not ready. Nor is my life where I want it to be when I decide to become a married couple. I want... a home of my own (even if we're renting) I want a stable job, I also don't want bad vibes at my wedding because I'm a young twenty-something getting married :-o. lol I think it's going to take a few years for me to be absolutely ready, and then a while after that decision until I actually carry it out, so don't expect wedding bells until like 4 yrs from now lol. now that that's said and done... what ARE we to do with our money. Decided to put it in a CD. most likely. so that we CAN'T access it for 2-3 years. 2 would make sense b/c we might need it right after college. 3 would be even better. has more interest and also makes it so that for a yr after college we can settle ourselves, decide where to live before we take out that money and start using it for these important things like house, marriage plans and 5 more puppies. lol. and paying back loans, of course tehehe. enough about that

Day 12 (7/26)
Observations: No goal, but awesome day! Went to sunryser's for breakfast w/ mommy, the in-laws, joy, and kev. delish ;-). then went home to help out with the house, cleaning and moving furniture. they're painting now while i'm at MC, but i'm happy to be getting somewhere. started teaching my mom some meditation techniques. uncle bob joined in. it was nice. we need some yoga mats and meditation pillows next lol. went to an open house in absecon and it reaffirmed my I-don't-want-to-invest-in-a-house-right-now idea. it sums up to fear. the sum of all fears... lol ok, i'm shutting up now

Day 13 (7/27)
FUCK MAN, going back to work lol. only 4 more weeks at Countryside, which is actually, suprisingly, sad for me. too much planning to do. my goal for today is to work on my posture throughout work today and to make sure to bring my kashi bars for when I get hungry. and NO shopping after work. unless i do budgeting before then.

Day 14 (7/28)
I'm no longer separating these posts into goals and observations. Just writing, cuz it's what I do.
I've been working on my posture and I think i'm starting to get it. Been bringing my kashi bars to work, eat 2 a day at work so it keeps me from the junk. but i'm like starving by the time i leave work and so, maybe i should think of a better plan... like... apples or bringing sandwiches or something. I wish I could cook at home. i have some fresh herbs waiting for me! I didn't shop after work! but i did today.. (got flowers and candles only tho!) but will probably shop tomorrow because... i'm bad like that. seriously about to start the envelope budgeting system. lol. more about that later.
speaking of which... thinking about starting a new blog. one more about the random good ideas i come across... about home design and financial advice and now, strangely, weddings(u know... I always wondered why i wasn't striving to be like a wedding planner or something. As much as I'm obsessed with decor and love, i would think i'd be watching wedding shows at least as religiously as I do hgtv lol)... and other ideas i have... about like meditation and philosophy and relationships and books and music... you know, everything. like everything that doesn't really fit into this journal-like blog lol.
and my final topic of the day is.... I overcame a grudge! though his first impression was terrible the first time i met him, the second time was much better. saw a softer side of him, saw that my sister was happy and it allowed me to get over it. to FORGIVE. Something i was honestly afraid would never happen. Forgetting is still probably nowhere in the near future, but with that hatred gone, I'm a happier person and I can be happier for her. YEY!

Now that the week's over, I can see what I failed about, lol:
I did work on meditation and tagalog, but not as much as I would have wished. If you count reading the meditation book as starting reading a book, then yes. I did. lol. Tried writing my cover letter but did not send any applications. I'm too much of a pussy.
In addition, I still need to
-send check for aug.
-get hugo's appt for balls-be-gone
-set my appt for blood work
-send out apps way before vacation, change voicemail message also

But... I've given up on the guitar thing for the summer because I am, quite simply, so rarely home that it's almost pointless. Other than that...

I want to:
-work on building credit
-devise a plan to start saving up money
-add working out to my daily activities, in short spurts
- take care of my skin better. since, ive already been saving my hair.


until next week (aka tomorrow)

6 WEEKS TO A BETTER ME!

Week 1:
Overall focus: start planning what I would like to change, catch up on things I should have been doing/mailing out/budgeting, that I've been holding back on. Some things that stand out:
-cancel my random memberships that I don't use
-make my dr. krachman appointment
-send docs to financial aid
-deposit check for august, send check to brunswick to send for august
-make schedule for when we're on vacation
-figure out mc payments/bills we have to take care of pre-vacation
-budget and pay bills, pre-vacation
-do hugo registration w/ akc
-send out apps way before vacation, change voicemail message also
-figure out where the HUGo's going :-(. i'll miss him....

Day 1(7/15):
Goal- do better for my hair. hair therapy. hair happiness.
my hair was a hot mess. fried, dead. Bought some chi products and my mom bought a chi straightener. also bought some redken shampoo... thought if i wasn't so afraid to spend some money on hair stuff, then i can really nourish my hair, make it stronger, stop burning it etc. tried wednesday night after work and kinda failed as i couldn't find my blow-dryer, but braided it up to sleep and had a fast straightening before work attempt, and though my hair is not as straight as I would have hoped--well, what can i do, i'm not white or asian, lol -- it turned out fantastically soft, which is all I can ask for. This is my hair. time to embrace it, love it, and care for it.

Day 2(7/16):
Goal-Enjoy the evening with my hubby, make anniversary plans!
Observations: Took only a 1/2 cup of coffee and drank only 1/2 of that. said NO to the office sweets-- even though they were free, even though I was hungry, even though I didn't want to waste them, haha. GO ME! granted, I pigged out later, haha but not eating junk at the office is one of my goals. I know I do it for all of the forementioned reasons and because deep inside I have this fear that I wont have any other chance for nourishment and so I make sure to eat something, anything and that anything leaves me feeling gross afterwards. Time to change. As for my goal, I did enjoy the evening. We chilled out, took care of some business, unfortunately, but got to hang out, go see Harry Potter... gs.

Day 3 (7/17):
Goal: c'mon, you all know the goal for this one... enjoy the anni! which we did. Also, bought me a tagalog beginner's book!! haha so I can finally learn. all my previous attempts have failed. but now that everyone knows i'm trying to learn, i know i'm going to constantly be quizzed, it's already started lol so, one goal to keep in mind for the upcoming weeks: read some of this tagalog book each day. so i atleast learn 1 thing per day

Day 4 (7/18)
Goal: ok, so I kinda forgot to have a goal today. oopz. FAIL.
Observations: Meditated for the first time today. Me and pj are going to try to put it into our day more often. there's a goal! Also, did something else new today... went to the zoo! which was nice. A bad observation though: I was feeling down and so i ate some junk to make me feel better. granted, it worked, but it was a bad move. BAD carin, very BAD carin, haha.

Day 5 (7/19)
Pre-Goal: Working ALL DAY today, so the least I can do is to figure out all mc stuff that needs to be sorted through in the next couple of weeks. can't take too long, right? start coming up with business ideas, store sales, etc. what to do, what to do. small goal: Either meditate in the morning or stretch throughout my day, or both! Also, collect a Sunday Press of AC and look up news sources for countryside project thing
Observations: Got deeper in my meditation today... trying to figure out my perfect posture and I'm getting there... still have a long way to go though to get to where I want to be. Also, began training Jane! also finally started a must-see movie section. Only it was only for VHSs and I have to promote it better.. but w/e it's a start. However... spent a lot of money on food, which consequently means that I ate way too much. I feel pretty gross. goal for tomorrow: don't feel gross... meaning eat well!

Day 6 (7/20)
Pre-Goal: have my doctor's appt today. Don't forget to get out early. Take that time to call Dr. Krachman. No excuses! Training Jane today. it's monday, i'm bleeding, so i know it's going to be hard... but i need to stay positive today. Also, at work... organize wii bowling thing, try to write essay and take some pictures for the email thing. go to library to help helen, see if Joyce still needs help. Also, order my bc refill!
Observations: Well, went to the docs, called Krachman... stayed in a decent mood. But didn't do anything else. Today was a kind of fail :-(. did train jane... lol

Day 7 (7/21)
Pre-Goal: Give Hugo a bath tonight!!! WOOT! pick up bc refill! Meditate or do 50 push ups today, or BOTH!
Observations: Shit man. I need to stop going shopping. Seriously. Because I always find something that's worth buying. Bought Hugo a bowl and a collar which is needed as his previous ones were destroyed/lost. Resisted getting a toy though, so that was good. went to a fuckin arts and crafts store and ended up buying 3 baskets. they're awesome baskets though lol. got my bc refill and am currently on my way to bathe Hugo and meditate. not so sure about the 50 pushups but I did work my arms with my free weights today so we'll see about that. Turns out i'm 150 pounds, like exactly. I remember when I used to be reaching 160... wow. None of the weight I lost was intentional haha, so i feel like i cheated and I know part of the reason i'm not working hard to get down to my ideal weight is because i felt like i cheated and I subconsciously want to go back up and do it the right way. it's weird, but it's something i realized I am doing. Another thing I realized is that I'm afraid to look better. Not saying that as a brag, i know i'm not miss beautiful, but I honestly feel really creeped out and violated by a lot of males and i'm tired of it. Some positive things... I'm breathing much better. I practice breathing right all throughout my day and it's made me a calmer person. I'm also using my Tagalog phrases much more often and was proud of myself when we ran into kat's mom at petsmart and I could actually understand most of what she said. lol. I can really tell the difference... probably because a lot of little things I just ignored before I now know what they mean and so instead of just knowing words, I understand sentences lol, it's hard to explain. ok. trying to get out of this bitch. lol. thanks for listening.

update

"It is important to take from what we see every day the secrets that routine prevents us from perceiving"

so, we took a day off to spend our... GASP... 6 year anniversary together! my thought months ago was that i'd take him to a piano bar or jazz bar because I love them! Closer to the day, we thought about going to the dog beach because it's our place now. Didn't do either, really, but we kinda almost did both anyway haha. It started with a ring and ended with a kiss. In between, the day consisting of Harry Potter, double date w/ nikki and justin at Sunryser, Borders, walking around the dog walk, sitting by the lake, going to Barita's and being pleasantly surprised with a great live jazz band, a canoli, tirimusu, and a great hazlenut drink hehe, learning Tagalog, reading Paolo Coelho quotes, staring into each other's eyes, enjoying great conversation, great company, great sex... hehe yeah, it was the perfect day off. and now, we're working every day until the 5th of August! which sucks... but knowing that after that, we're going to have a complete week off, away from the stresses of my job, of movie city, of errands and responsibilities... that makes it worth it. we're flying to Orlando... doing the park thing... letting joy see MICKEY MOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and then we're going to Miami for our cruise to the Bahamas!!! We're all so excited. I've never been on a cruise before. Plus it's me and pj's first vacation together. i really can't wait. Other than that... I'm taking a new approach to the rest of my summer... I'm calling it my "6 weeks to a better me" because it sounds cool haha, and because it seems like a more reasonable goal... doing better for myself for the next 6 weeks instead of the more vague and hard to enforce "I want to be better" mantra. I was going to make it a more private affair... something about pointing out your flaws by letting everyone know that you want to change, kinda sucks. but something i read by paolo coelho changed my mind:

"Our human condition makes us tend to share only the best of ourselves, because we are always searching for love and approval."

which is terrible because it means we're never really getting to know each other, and crazy because i'm already surrounded by so much love... and so... one of my 6 week goals is being more honest about every side of myself... to myself as well as anyone who asks lol. 6 weeks to a better me posting starts in the next post. I will keep it continuous, instead of separate postings, so look out for updates. And if you're interested in joining me for this transforming month and a half, just let me know! I'd love the motivation and advice a partner in this could give me....

So my 6 weeks started on Wednesday, July 15th...