6 WEEKS TO A BETTER ME!

Week 1:
Overall focus: start planning what I would like to change, catch up on things I should have been doing/mailing out/budgeting, that I've been holding back on. Some things that stand out:
-cancel my random memberships that I don't use
-make my dr. krachman appointment
-send docs to financial aid
-deposit check for august, send check to brunswick to send for august
-make schedule for when we're on vacation
-figure out mc payments/bills we have to take care of pre-vacation
-budget and pay bills, pre-vacation
-do hugo registration w/ akc
-send out apps way before vacation, change voicemail message also
-figure out where the HUGo's going :-(. i'll miss him....

Day 1(7/15):
Goal- do better for my hair. hair therapy. hair happiness.
my hair was a hot mess. fried, dead. Bought some chi products and my mom bought a chi straightener. also bought some redken shampoo... thought if i wasn't so afraid to spend some money on hair stuff, then i can really nourish my hair, make it stronger, stop burning it etc. tried wednesday night after work and kinda failed as i couldn't find my blow-dryer, but braided it up to sleep and had a fast straightening before work attempt, and though my hair is not as straight as I would have hoped--well, what can i do, i'm not white or asian, lol -- it turned out fantastically soft, which is all I can ask for. This is my hair. time to embrace it, love it, and care for it.

Day 2(7/16):
Goal-Enjoy the evening with my hubby, make anniversary plans!
Observations: Took only a 1/2 cup of coffee and drank only 1/2 of that. said NO to the office sweets-- even though they were free, even though I was hungry, even though I didn't want to waste them, haha. GO ME! granted, I pigged out later, haha but not eating junk at the office is one of my goals. I know I do it for all of the forementioned reasons and because deep inside I have this fear that I wont have any other chance for nourishment and so I make sure to eat something, anything and that anything leaves me feeling gross afterwards. Time to change. As for my goal, I did enjoy the evening. We chilled out, took care of some business, unfortunately, but got to hang out, go see Harry Potter... gs.

Day 3 (7/17):
Goal: c'mon, you all know the goal for this one... enjoy the anni! which we did. Also, bought me a tagalog beginner's book!! haha so I can finally learn. all my previous attempts have failed. but now that everyone knows i'm trying to learn, i know i'm going to constantly be quizzed, it's already started lol so, one goal to keep in mind for the upcoming weeks: read some of this tagalog book each day. so i atleast learn 1 thing per day

Day 4 (7/18)
Goal: ok, so I kinda forgot to have a goal today. oopz. FAIL.
Observations: Meditated for the first time today. Me and pj are going to try to put it into our day more often. there's a goal! Also, did something else new today... went to the zoo! which was nice. A bad observation though: I was feeling down and so i ate some junk to make me feel better. granted, it worked, but it was a bad move. BAD carin, very BAD carin, haha.

Day 5 (7/19)
Pre-Goal: Working ALL DAY today, so the least I can do is to figure out all mc stuff that needs to be sorted through in the next couple of weeks. can't take too long, right? start coming up with business ideas, store sales, etc. what to do, what to do. small goal: Either meditate in the morning or stretch throughout my day, or both! Also, collect a Sunday Press of AC and look up news sources for countryside project thing
Observations: Got deeper in my meditation today... trying to figure out my perfect posture and I'm getting there... still have a long way to go though to get to where I want to be. Also, began training Jane! also finally started a must-see movie section. Only it was only for VHSs and I have to promote it better.. but w/e it's a start. However... spent a lot of money on food, which consequently means that I ate way too much. I feel pretty gross. goal for tomorrow: don't feel gross... meaning eat well!

Day 6 (7/20)
Pre-Goal: have my doctor's appt today. Don't forget to get out early. Take that time to call Dr. Krachman. No excuses! Training Jane today. it's monday, i'm bleeding, so i know it's going to be hard... but i need to stay positive today. Also, at work... organize wii bowling thing, try to write essay and take some pictures for the email thing. go to library to help helen, see if Joyce still needs help. Also, order my bc refill!
Observations: Well, went to the docs, called Krachman... stayed in a decent mood. But didn't do anything else. Today was a kind of fail :-(. did train jane... lol

Day 7 (7/21)
Pre-Goal: Give Hugo a bath tonight!!! WOOT! pick up bc refill! Meditate or do 50 push ups today, or BOTH!
Observations: Shit man. I need to stop going shopping. Seriously. Because I always find something that's worth buying. Bought Hugo a bowl and a collar which is needed as his previous ones were destroyed/lost. Resisted getting a toy though, so that was good. went to a fuckin arts and crafts store and ended up buying 3 baskets. they're awesome baskets though lol. got my bc refill and am currently on my way to bathe Hugo and meditate. not so sure about the 50 pushups but I did work my arms with my free weights today so we'll see about that. Turns out i'm 150 pounds, like exactly. I remember when I used to be reaching 160... wow. None of the weight I lost was intentional haha, so i feel like i cheated and I know part of the reason i'm not working hard to get down to my ideal weight is because i felt like i cheated and I subconsciously want to go back up and do it the right way. it's weird, but it's something i realized I am doing. Another thing I realized is that I'm afraid to look better. Not saying that as a brag, i know i'm not miss beautiful, but I honestly feel really creeped out and violated by a lot of males and i'm tired of it. Some positive things... I'm breathing much better. I practice breathing right all throughout my day and it's made me a calmer person. I'm also using my Tagalog phrases much more often and was proud of myself when we ran into kat's mom at petsmart and I could actually understand most of what she said. lol. I can really tell the difference... probably because a lot of little things I just ignored before I now know what they mean and so instead of just knowing words, I understand sentences lol, it's hard to explain. ok. trying to get out of this bitch. lol. thanks for listening.