DOES IT REALLY HAVE TO BE THIS FUCKING COMPLICATED?

well, yeah, of course it does...

I feel dizzy, I'm about to start hyperventilating and I don't even know if writing will help.

It's so strange how things affect your mood so drastically. I had a GREAT day Valentine's Day, Sunday was pretty awesome b/c we watched a Monk marathon most of the day, went over about 60% of what will be on my exam tomorrow, got a fat sandwich, Tata's pizza, had some green, haha you know... felt like a regular ol' college student, hangin out with my boys and just do what we're supposed to do at this age: study and hang out. it was wonderful.

The morning comes and I'm not even mad that I gotta wake up at 8 to shower, wash and blowdry my hair before work. i like work. a lot. i look forward to it. and in those 8 small hours that I work each week, I forget that I'm a just-turned-20-yr-old who's still trying to shape her life... during those hours, I'm useful, needed, wanted, and respected. people apologize to me for going into "my" workspace, interrupting me as if I had any authority in that place lol. I'm getting familiar with the people and the building and what's more is that I like what I do. I don't mind (usually) doing it for hours... i'd take it home if I could...plus I feel like I'm actually doing something productive, which I never used to get in my regular 20 hr a week part time customer service jobs.
and... i went home and had tuna wraps, and went to my only class of the day, Issues in Religious Thought, taught my the genius Dr. James W Jones... class mind fucked me again, wanted to blog about it when I got home...
instead, went upstairs and chilled with the girls for a while and ended up reading my email.

and everything went south.

i honestly don't understand. I don't fucking understand. I just don't get it.

fuck... i can't even get into it anymore.

soon, soon... when i can breathe again