home...

Home sweet home…or so I thought. Pulling into the driveway, I couldn't shake the feeling of other-ness, of non-belonging. Things were as I expected them to be. House looks… the same. Broken. Yard looks as dead and leaf-filled as I would have guessed. Snoop was not in the cage, not on the run, not on the porch, not in the house eagerly waiting for you to come up and pet him. That still gets me every time I reenter the driveway. He's been a part of this house for me for nearly as far back as I can remember, and his being gone is another piece that keeps "home" from being whole. Not that there aren't other changes, cosmetic changes, which I welcome whole-heartedly…
But the feel of the place has changed. Definitely.
I hoped I could somehow change it back this week I was here. Naiive. It takes more than one to tango. In this case, it would take at least 4…
But it's home. Being in the arms of my mom, being around the familiar fireplace, remembering what life was like before…
Seeing Absegami for the first time since I've graduated. Realizing so little has changed, being surprised at how far away those days now seem, how old I seem in comparison. Going to Wawa… mmm… Galloway Diner trips with the friends, poker nights with the family-in-law, working at Movie City, visiting Countryside… driving around in our beat-up car. Yeah, it's all a part of being home, haha.
Trying to figure out how I will survive this summer. My only idea is… by getting a car. By being free to enjoy the pieces of home that I love, when I want to. Being able to be alone when I want, be with family when I want, be with friends when I want… go to work on time w/o arguments, not waiting around to be picked up. YES. Car is necessary. Decided right now. Budget will be… no idea. Definitely under 8000. by May we'll have a 1500 down payment, and to pay the remaining 6500, or less. Well, over the span of a year, will not be a big deal at all, especially after we get our refund checks lol! Life… well, I'll be working my ass off again this summer, and hopefully working during the fall semester at Plangere and RUP.

In other news… I'm reading the Twilight series. I can now admit that since I finished Twilight in 2 days and am eager to get to New Moon. Haha, don't judge. Imagine being the first person to read the submitted Twilight manuscript and realizing that you have the next great young adult novel in your hands… helping Meyer edit and shape it until it’s the perfect book that’s made hundreds of thousands fall in love with vampires all over again. And you… falling in love with the printed pages in your hands. The way some people love cars, others love puppies, and others love that perfect gucci purse.

So, no, I am not among the many who fell for Edward Cullen. I guess b/c I already have my own irresistible guy that makes my heard pound at just the thought of being with him ;-). Lol but I did love the novel… not even going to lie. I thought it was a great, fun story, and that Stephenie found the perfect balance of authorship that kept from being too adult, too serious, and at the same time, not trite and trivial, not cliché and corny lol. Yeah… I'm glad I gave it a chance, it was a lot of fun. Reminded me of Lois Duncan actually, my favorite childhood author

Other than that, I've been surviving the break. Having a few wacked out dreams. One was about george reading minds lol, 2 of which were about rushed weddings that were called off at the last minute… am I afraid of that? Maybe? When people realize how long we've been together… most ask if we're getting married. Innocent enough. But others look down on my left ring finger, expectingly… and that kinda freaks me out. And I'm trying to analyze this… b/c it's not that the thought of marriage scares me. To think of spending the rest of forever with my sole mate, with that unshakable bond… well, what tops that really? I guess I just know that I'm yet not ready to enter that stage in my life… and I feel like 1/2 the world expects me to be. Soon, if not already. And I don't know if I'll ever find the balance between feeling too rushed and feeling too late…. Ugh. Fml.

… and its Thursday, and Im back to school on Monday. Back to trying to keep up and stressing out. Ugh. I just don't want to do it any more…. Not till I take awesome classes again. Fuck astronomy. Lol